The Tragedy of Spilled Milk
by nekosky7
Summary: Edward and MILK! Gasp! Rated for language. I garuntee you will at the very least smile. I challenge you to read this with out smiling! I do not own Edward and company.


Hi peoples! I don't really watch Fullmetal, but my little sister loves it so here is an OOC story. It's mainly for humor and I was bored. Anyways, read it and tell me what you think pretty please!

OxO

"Welcome to the Hughes show! I'm Mages Hughes, your host!" Hughes stopped talking, leaned forward and dug through his back pocket for a minute. He pulled out his wallet and flipped it open, revealing a _long_ line of pictures that unfolded until it hit the floor. Hughes pushed his glasses further up on his nose and gave a huge grin to the camera, eyes gleaming.

"Isn't she adorable?" Hughes motioned to the many pictures of the same little girl.

"Get a close up now," he commanded sternly then began again in a voice one would use while talking to an infant.

"Dis id my dauwter, Elicia and shew's four yeers old! She's gwon up soo much! Idn't she juwst beutiful!"

A tall man came through the double doors in the audience by the name of Roy Mustan,

"Hughes, if you don't get on with the show this instant, you'll be fired!" Roy stormed back through the doors without another word. Hughes sweat-dropped anime style as he quickly replaced his wallet.

"Eh-heh, anyways… today we will learn about a young boy's tale," Hughes placed the back of his hand onto his forehead and closed his eyes for a more dramatic effect.

"The tragedy of spilled milk! Our first guest this evening is Alphonse Elric! Come on out Al!" Hughes called enthusiastically.

The camera turned to the left of the stage to view a red curtain which pulled back to reveal a tall, seeming less empty suit of armor. It walked on stage and sat down in one of the many seats next to Hughes. The audience 'ooed' and 'awwed.'

"So, tell us Al, what happened?" Hughes pressed.

Al stayed quiet for a minute before beginning, "well, it was just last Tuesday that I was in Winry's kitchen, looking for something to drink. So I opened up the fridge and saw a gallon of milk. It sounded good, so I pulled it out and poured myself a glass. Then Winry called me into her room so I could help her find her favorite wrench."

"After a few minutes, I heard a crash come from the kitchen. I ran back to the kitchen sniffles with Winry following behind me. When we got to the kitchen, I-I saw…" Al trailed off, no tears visible, but his sobs were definitely audible.

"I'm sorry, I… I just c-can't! It was too h-horrible!" Al sobbed out.

Hughes leaned over to Al and patted him on the shoulder.

"There, there. It's going to be alright," Hughes then straightened up and announced, "our next guest is Winry Rockbell!" The camera turned back to the left stage as Winry walked out and followed her to her seat next to Al.

"What's your side of this milk tragedy?" Hughes interrogated.

"I was in my room, trying desperately to find George…" at that point, Hughes cut her off.

"George?"

"Oh," Winry blushed, "he is my favorite wrench!" Winry's eyes became overwhelmed with sadness.

"I still haven't found him," she spoke softly as hot tears streamed down her face which it suddenly changed into one of pure craziness. Her gaze became fierce as she stood up angrily and ran to the edge of the stage, pointing an accusing finger at the audience.

"I bet on of you have it to!" she screamed and then glared at one innocent man in particular.

"YOU! WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT! YOU DID IT DIDN'T YOU!" Winry leaped off of the stage, landing on her pray. She wrapped her fingers around his neck, chocking the poor guy. She began to violently shake him against his seat as the audience gasped.

Hughes called for security, which quickly came to the poor, mans rescue. They were forced to taze her a few times before prying her off him and dragging her back onto the stage, tying her tightly to her chair. Winry looked disappointed but continued when Hughes motioned for her to.

"I hollered for Al to come in for a minute to help me look for George. He came in and we looked for him but to no avail," Winry's eyes held flames as she looked back at her victim of choice, threateningly.

The poor guy gulped and slid down in his seat trying to become invisible. She calmed back down when Hughes tapped her on her shoulder.

"We heard a crash in the kitchen so we went to investigate. We got to the kitchen and there, laying on the floor, was a pool of milk, with shattered glass all around it-" Winry began to cry hysterically.

"It's not as sad as my wrench, but still…" she cried even harder (a/n: if that's even possible). Hughes wiped away a few stray tears as the audience tried to stifle their cries.

"Now, for our next guest, Edward Elric!" Ed came in and sat next to Winry, whispering in her ear that they'd find her wrench.

"So, Ed, what's your side of the story?"

"I-" he was cut off by the double doors bursting open (a/n: again!), Scar ran in and down the steps through the audience as they gasped (again!); they were sure getting their money's worth for this show!

Scar pointed his finger at Ed and yelled out angrily, "HE DID IT! I SAW HIM DO IT!" Ed got ready for a fight as the audience 'oohed.' Al turned to Ed with begging white eyes.

"Did you do it Brother?" he asked in a small voice. Ed looked at Al for a moment before breaking down.

"Yes, I DID IT! I pushed the _evil_ milk off of the table!" Ed shouted miserably.

"Why would you do such a thing Brother?"

"Because sniffs the milk was _evil_!" He said in a low, scratchy voice as his face became a scowl. _"Edward hates _the_ milk!_ _Nasties, ugly little white devil drink! You will never get nasty, creamy, white mixture down Edwards throat!_" Al looked at his brother for a moment before embracing his lunatic of a brother. The crowd 'awed.'

'_At least he only gets like this when there's milk around or someone talks about it.' _Ed let go of Al and faced Winry.

"Well, as long as I'm on a role to admitting things," he looked Winry in the eyes. "I love you, Winry." The crowd once again 'awed' (a/n: I'm getting tired of all this oo's and awe's! xP).

Winry stood up, with the chair still attached to her, "I love you to, Ed!" Ed embraced her and she leaned into it; the audience applaused.

The military marched on stage and tried to haul away Scar, who fought them and then escaped yelling, "haha haha ha, I'll be back!" With that, he placed his hands on the ground, did his red lightening alchemy, engulfing himself in it, when it died down, he was gone.

Roy Mustang walked up to Hughes to gruffly congratulate him on solving the case. While the were shaking hands, realization struck them.

"Wait a minute! You can't drink _anything_! Why did you even pour milk in the first place?"

"I did it because Winry's Granny asked-" he was interrupted by Riza Hawkeye bursting through the double doors.

"I have new news of this case, Sir!" she said while saluting Keranal Mustang. The glass on the floor was not a cup…" the crowd gasped, "but indeed, a bowl." The audience gasped again.

"What are _you _hiding, Al?" Ed pressed.

"Eh-heh, n-noth-_mew_," Al sweat dropped anime style.

"Al, did you just mew?" Hughes asked.

"N-no, I-I mean yes, yes I did!" Al stuttered. Ed became red in the face.

"_Al_," he said dangerously, "didn't I tell you to leave the kitten where it was?"

"But Brother, it was defenseless and cold and scarred…" he never got to finish as Ed leaped at him and began to chase Al all over the stage.

"I'll show you _defenseless_!"

"Well, that's all the time we have for today! I'm Mages Hughes and this is my show, the Hughes Show! Hope to see you again! Next time! A Kitten in the Suit! See ya'! The sign came on for applause, but over the applause came a loud 'woot!' Everyone's eyes fell onto the man Winry had pounced on. He was standing on his chair, holding Winry's wrench above his head.

"Mwahahahahaha!" Winry looked at him with a renewed fire in her eyes.

"I knew it! I'll kill you this time!" She broke from the restraints of her chair and leaped off of the stage, onto the man that was crazy enough to take her wrench.

Security came in, tazing both Winry and the unknown Wrench Thief. They dragged the man to HQ in Central, he laughed all the way there and was placed in a straight jacket.

Winry plopped down on the ground and snuggled her wrench to her face, "did you miss mommy, mommy missed you to. Mommy will never let you from her sight again, o.k? O.k."

The TV began to view credits, this time, the show was truly over.

OxO

Sooooo, what do you think? Review and tell me! I give cookies and shout outs! Disclamer: I don't own Ed and company.


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